8 years later.

Currently, the world is fucked (thank you, human greed), and I'm out of a job. Temporarily, I hope.

Until recently, I was working as a sous-chef for this lovely not-so-little restaruant in the NoMad area of Manhattan. Pretty chill gig; I got pushed hard by my commanding officers: at the risk of tooting my own horn, I think did pretty well.

Insert global pandemic. 

People dying like flies.

US restaurant industry pretty much wiped out within the space of a week. 

Needless to say, I have a lot of free time right now. Maybe I should pick this up again?

America is not nearly done. We're only in the beginning. Who knows who we will be? Who knows... what color we will be? It is all something that, maybe, our descendants - if they survive that long - will see.
- Alice Walker

huh?

i've been going out with this guy for the past three months or so. during this time, i made a conscious effort not to commit to anything because i knew i really wanted to get out of san diego before the year ended... whatever happened, i like to think that i managed to keep my distance. honestly, what attracted me to the guy was the prospect of having the friendship of a similar person; moreover, even when we were physically intimate, i felt like what a straight guy must feel when doing gay for pay work.

i told him just how long was left of my stay here about 2 weeks ago (i did prepare him for the possibility that i might be leaving sooner or later before we started). i haven't spoken to him since. i feel guilty because i don't.

betrayal was a neutral word in my day, as unjudged a word as water or breeze. no. or perhaps... i am only bothered because i am bothered.
- illyria, timebomb

i should probably...

...write my feelings out before they overwhelm me. i think that i'd like to be able to remember what i did and what i felt like during this day at this hour long after i no longer have the faculties to do so, don't i?

these days, usually after work, sometime around 1 PM in general, i find myself struggling with fatigue while flat on my back on my comfy, comfy twin bed. naturally, i conk out for 3-4 hours (except on thursdays when i have to work at my other job at 6 PM, then it's just 2 if i'm too tired to keep awake to eat something). today was no exception, except, that i should have been awake so i didn't need to go through what i'm going through right now.

because i was asleep, i didn't escape babysitting duties for a 14 year old girl that i love very much. because i feel like she's growing up too soon and hiding too many things away from me, i thought, hey, why not take her for a night out to talk and eat something nice? i took her to one of the nicer neighborhood eateries in lovely north park to partake in what was really a lovely meal, to chat about school, and life in general (i feel depressed that my dear little sister is on her 2nd boyfriend and i have yet to get to number 1). just to finish off the night, we saw a movie (underworld: awakening, if you're interested to know; not much of a story, but i was very entertained).

fast forward to the end of the night around 1 AM when i open the door to the house. it's frustrating to think that you're doing something nice; but to be accused of endangering a minor while watching a film (granted, it WAS rated r) on opening day in an upscale shopping district on a weekend night while accompanied by a a capable over-the-hill guardian... seems a little much.

i suppose the accusation grates, but what really grinds my gears, to use a certain retard's phrase, that they simply judge from their high horse without understanding.

god, this feels good. i'll see how hypocritical and narrow-minded i am in the morning.

are you crazy? why would I do that? god, daria, you've got to lay off all those books before it's too late!
--- quinn morgendorffer, dye! dye! my darling